It was a musky crisp night in the river of the Ayodhya, and everything was quiet. There was no movement, no sounds, no ripples in the water. Moments later, thunderous footsteps are approaching fromm the distance. They move closer and closer and it turns out to be King Dasharatha. He is a dominant ruler with one flaw, he can have no children.
There is an ancient legend about a ten-headed monster who lives in the waters of the Ayodhya, but nobody has ever seen them with their own eyes...or at least made it out alive after seeing him. But this is what brings King Dasharatha to the Ayodhya, because according to the legend, if you survive a bite from the ten-headed monster, it will drastically change your life.
King Dasharatha brought his top soldiers with him to the river, just in case things turn for the worse. There is a total of ten men, searching by the banks and jabbing spears into the water. After days of searching, there is no monster to be found. Doubt begins to spread across the group of men, contemplating whether they should go back home to their families, but King Dasharatha has no family.
As they begin to walk away from King Dasharatha's orders, a head the size of a boulder slashes out of the water and takes a man underneath. Followed by another head, and then simultaneously seven more, taking out all of King Dasharatha's men. He stands there alone, quivering at the site of the ten-headed monster emerging from the water. The monster roars "YOU HAVE DEFIED ME BY BRINGING YOUR MEN...YOU SHALL NOW BE A CURSED KING." The monster bites off King Dasharatha's arm off, and declares that he shall now have twins, a boy and a girl. The King is thinking to himself that this is rather a gift than a curse. The monster than screeches, "THEY WILL SERVE ONE PURPOSE IN THEIR LIFE, TO BUILD AN ARMY OF THEIR OWN AND OVERTHROW YOU AND YOUR KINGDOM." The King begins to beg for mercy and weeps on his knees. The monster doesn't respond to these requests, grabs him by the hair and flings him back to his kingdom.
As the King lands in the courtyard of his castle, he has to explain to his men to prepare for the greatest war they have ever heard.
The End.
Ayodhya River: (Wikipedia)
Author's note:
I read Narayan's Ramayana this week, and it discussed the King and the ten-headed monster. It didn't develop off of the fact that the king couldn't have children so I made it a priority to incorporate that into my story. The ten-headed monster was a really cool character and I wanted to make him a dominant and feared character who serves a main role in my story.
Bibliography: Narayan's Ramayana (Link)
Hi Brooks,
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story that you wrote. I liked how you made it to where the ten headed monster was close by to the king and how they tried to defeat him. It was also great that you incorporated king finally being able to have children in a different perspective. I remember reading about this story and how they did many rituals until they could finally have kids. I like how you turned it into a curse by foreshadowing the events of Dasharatha's overthrow of the kingdom. Great job!
I like the new focus on the king's inability at the beginning to have children, this does make it feel more clever when the beast curses the king.
ReplyDeleteOne suggestion I might pose for your storytelling is to tell it from a more personal perspective. I think this story would have worked very well from a first person perspective. The story is a very personal one, it revolves around the personal struggles of the king and as such, the third person omniscient point of view removes any emotional connection we might have feat when he is cursed. As is however it does work better as a cautionary tale.
I really like your choice of story though, this story feels very stand alone which I think is great.
This is awesome! You did a great job of creating your own unique story while still keeping the elements of the original. I was very impressed by your ability to put a great twist into it. (Like I mentioned in your Intro comments, I love plot twists). I would really liked your story to have been longer, but I do understand there are time restraints and word limits.
ReplyDeleteWow. Wow, wow, WOW. What a story this is. I was just captivated reading this masterpiece. The imagery, the plot, the cliffhanger ending; all amazing. I read your story from last week and loved it so I just HAD to scroll back and read another, and let me tell you. LET. ME. TELL. YOU. I was not disappointed.
ReplyDeleteKeep 'em coming, young Shakespeare.
Best wishes,
Hayden