Dave Monett, the King of Kingdom Monett, has been seeing a lady who everybody thinks will be the future Queen. Her name is Nina, and she is obsessed with King Dave. She would do anything to please the King. One day, she receives a note from a messenger pigeon, with the news that King Dave is no longer interested and she can leave the Kingdom immediately or be forcefully removed by soldiers otherwise. She chooses to leave without force, but insist the soldiers to inform King Dave that he will be hearing from her shortly.
[10 years later.]
As the soldiers are preparing their weapons for battle, there are whispers of some unknown rebellion on the other side of the lake at the Kingdom of Dashartha. This causes confusion because the Dashartha family has been in power for thousands of years. Their current leader, King Dashartha has been the most ruthless one of all. It is a total dictatorship, and the civilians are treated as slaves. They either take the role of growing crops for the Kingdom's food, or battle as a soldier to protect. The soldiers of Kingdom Monett seem distracted, and this infuriates King Dave.
"THE NEXT PERSON TO SPEAK OF REBELLION, YOU WILL END UP IN THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE" shouts King Dave from the top of his bannister. As he finishes his remarks, the Kingdom is washed in silence. From across the lake, everybody stares into the flames of the Kingdom of Dashartha. It is in total destruction. King Dave and his soldiers remain silent for a couple of minutes, until thunderous footsteps appear to be approaching. An army of thousands of soldiers are riding in from the distance. Everybody scrambles for their weapons, and get ready to battle.
The stampede stops at the gate, and only 6 people walk forward. King Dave notices Nina from the top of the castle, and walks out of the Kingdom to approach her and 5 others. It appears to be King Dashartha's four sons, Nina, and another boy. Nina begins to speak, "Dave, meet Brandon...Brandon Monett. He is to be the King after today. Once you are finally gone." King Dave is silenced in shock of his young son. Brandon walks towards his father, with a stare in his eyes. King Dave reaches out to hug him, only to find Brandon gouging a knife into his heart. King Dave drops to the ground.
King Dave did not know that Nina was pregnant when he broke up with her. And now, he is gone. Nina, Brandon, and King Dashartha's four sons overthrew both kingdoms and set a democracy for the people of both kingdoms, and became one united country.
Kingdom of Monett: (Wikipedia)
Author's Note: I decided to combine two of the readings last week. The first one was about King Dashartha and his four sons. I also read about King Dave breaking up with Nina, and added the twist that she was pregnant with his son. I haven't combined two differnt kingdoms, or even two different families yet, and I thought it would be fun to do so. In the original story, Sita told Rama that she is pregnant, and this is what sparked my idea to change that to Nina for a more epic twist.
Bibliography: Sita Sings the Blues by Nina Paley (Link)
Research: I learned that Dashartha had three wives, which first made me think that he would not care about one too much. But after reading more about King Dashartha, I realized that he died in the night due to pain and misery of his separation with Rama. I did not include this in my story because I wanted him to seem dominant and feared. In my story he died due to the fire set by Nina and his four sons. (Link to research)
This was a great story! There was plenty of dialogue, and that is what really makes the characters relatable. I also loved the war-type plot it had. I love historical fiction, and this definitely falls into that category. To make this story even better, you should add more imagery and detail. Talk about what the battlefield was like or the feelings or direct sights the characters had. Other than that, the storyline was easy to follow and you seemed to have researched this well before writing; that is awesome!
ReplyDeleteBrooks,
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your story! I think you did a great job of taking to separate stories and combining them to tell your own story. I didn't read anything about King Dave, so I'm glad that you chose to incorporate that story.
You also did a great job of adding a little comedy at the beginning as well, which immediately pulled me in.
Just as Leigh said, the only suggestion I have is to add more detail. Again, great job!
Wow, Brooks! Great job on this story. I think this was a super interesting mix of both "Sita Sings the Blues" and the traditional Ramayana. I think you did an excellent and poignant job expressing yourself, and I really enjoyed the amount of action in the story. The premise of changing the leadership from a dictatorship to a democracy is also very novel, and I like that you made that part of your story. Great job with this story, and keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete